Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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