Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
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At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..