just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.