this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?