if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there