the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.