take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?