I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
