Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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