been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
