turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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