he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize