youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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