Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
