so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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