return my video game
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
