woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize