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I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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