Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
