im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Shame - the story of my life.
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