I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
