I need help removing her.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
