Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
