As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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