I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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