He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Wow word travels fast.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
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I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed