it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.