i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I am one with the molecules
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling