i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
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This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?