I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I told you penises don't tan
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
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I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz