just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
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LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.