Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
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Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."