Come see our sink grown plant.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
