I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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