I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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