i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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