theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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