obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Randomize
