I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.