Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.