Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care