god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
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I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom