So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
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Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
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I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!