i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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