She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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