all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
