did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
