i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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