Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Life is so much better after having sex.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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