I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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