He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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