Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
