don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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