Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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