If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.