She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.