he puts the penis in happiness.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
handjob tips. give me some.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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