Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
