I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
