the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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