I'll bet she douches with gravy.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
