Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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