Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
