she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
