whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
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