Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
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I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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