so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
